In my own Garden of Eden, the trees tempting me to sin wouldn’t bear ripe apples, but juicy chicken tenders, hanging like crispy, golden treasures for the taking. 

Regardless of your political views, religion, or background, you love chicken tenders. Even if they bore your refined palate or conflict with your vegetarianism, you love them. It’s the reason restaurants like Raising Cane’s thrive; we’re irresistibly drawn to their simplistic, magnetic nature, craving their delicious embrace time and time again. 

Upper School History teacher Dr. John Ermer described his passion for tenders, noting that “they have impacted my life to an incalculable degree. Tendies are what make me happy. I think that without tendies, the quality of my life would be greatly diminished.”  

My own love for chicken tenders began in childhood and never faded. They were my reliable go-to on the kid’s menu, as a picky eater. I thought my love for tenders was a phase of childish fussiness that would eventually fade, but it only grew with time. Years later, a friend suggested I document my tender experiences. Since then, I’ve kept a record of every nugget and tender I’ve eaten. 

Achieving chicken perfection is not a simple feat. Each tender must uphold a high standard of deliciousness while maintaining essential qualities. Food critic Helen Rosner describes this distinction as her “three immutable rules.” A superb tender maintains an oblong shape that gradually tapers towards the ends, boasts a visibly crispy exterior, and, controversially, is delectable on its own, without using dipping sauce as a crutch to compensate for poor taste. In my experience, Rosner’s rules have held true, and I’ve even gone on to develop some personal amendments.

Many specific qualities compose the perfect chicken tender. First and foremost, the breading is essential. In my opinion, it is the heart and soul of the tender. It needs to strike the perfect balance between crisp and crunch, while also delivering flavor—be it from Cajun spices, butter, or simply just salt.

RE celebrity Raymond Margini described the importance of a chicken tender’s crisp: “When I touch them, they feel crispy. I love crispy stuff.” 

Then there’s the meat. It must be tender and juicy while avoiding a stringy or clumpy texture. But moisture is key—it should be just enough to enrich the tender’s flavor without making the breading soggy. 

“The breading really changes everything, because… If you have soggy breading, then you’re just getting like a mouthful of sog and wetness and sadness, and no one wants that,” said Tager Lehr ’25. 

My ratings are measured on a 30-point scale in three categories: meat, breading, and experience. Each category can receive up to 10 points, allowing for a comprehensive assessment of the chicken tender’s overall quality. 

After years of research, I have found that Miami’s tenders lag behind those from faraway places—in particular, Manchester, New Hampshire, The Chicken Tender Capital of the World. Due to this, I set out on a mission: find Miami’s best chicken tender. 

However, in this quest, I avoided all fast food options and major chains. The best chicken tenders come from restaurants with personality and character, not the drive-thru. So, I visited four local restaurants in search of Miami’s best chicken tenders. 

Stop 1: Chick’N Jones 

My first stop was Chick’N Jones in Wynwood, a Designated Chicken Restaurant (DCR)—a place solely focused on chicken. This immediately raised the standards, as they claim chicken is their specialty.   

The staff was incredibly friendly, and I even had the pleasure of speaking with the restaurant owner, Chef Amaris Jones. However, it was slightly warm inside, and they only served Pepsi products, earning it a 7.83/10 in the experience category.  

After taking my first bite of the OG Nugs, I was intrigued. The meat quality shines at 8.26/10, offering an authentic chicken taste and ideal temperature, seamlessly balancing between fast-food and gourmet profiles. The standout feature is the breading, scoring an exceptional 8.34/10 for its perfect crunch, delicious seasoning, and consistent texture that maintains an ideal meat-to-breading ratio throughout. Ultimately, these nuggets earned an impressive rating of 24.43 out of 30. 

Stop 2: Coconut Grove Sailing Club 

My next visit was to the Coconut Grove Sailing Club. While I had only previously been there for Fajita night, I heard that they served a delightful tender. According to fellow chicken tender specialist and beloved English teacher, Elizabeth Anderson, these are the best tenders in Miami, so I put them to the test. The experience here was somewhat enjoyable, but it was incredibly humid, and the tables were slightly dirty. The restaurant was eerily empty on a Wednesday afternoon, and the food was ready very quickly. The restaurant earned a 7.14/10 for experience.  

In terms of the tenders, my expectations were high. Ms. Anderson has respectable chicken tender taste, so I was intrigued by her enthusiasm. When I tried the tenders, I was underwhelmed. They were your average American restaurant chicken tenders. The meat was at a good temperature, but it was dry and stringy, earning itself a 5.93/10. Additionally, the meat to breading ratio was too breading-heavy. The breading was very crunchy and decently seasoned, but it was dense and hard. This tender received a 7.22/10 on the breading scale. 

I was baffled at how these were Ms. Anderson’s favorite tenders of all time. The final blow came when I learned that Ms. Anderson commits an unforgivable crime: eating tenders with silverware. Chicken tenders’ nickname is Chicken Fingers, implying they are meant to be eaten with your fingers. In the end, these tenders scored a 20.29/30. 

Stop 3: Bro’s Hot Chicken 

My next visit was to a place I had never heard of before, Bro’s Hot Chicken. This was my second DCR, and I was interested in the caliber of their tenders. The restaurant was kind of in the middle of nowhere in West Coral Gables, but I kept an open mind. The staff were nice, and the food came quickly. I got a to-go order of three jumbo tenders with fries, but I was not prepared for what I saw when I opened the styrofoam box. 

The box contained two chicken tenders accompanied by something which my father, RE parent Carlos Martin, could only describe as resembling “a deep-fried leg of a dead cat.” I was appalled. This mystery tender was over 9 inches long, charcoal black, and crusted with the occasional flake of golden breading. I refused to eat it. The horrors I witnessed lowered the experience score to a 5.13/10. The other two normal tenders were edible. I enjoyed them, but I was underwhelmed. 

The meat of these tenders was juicy, but ridiculously clumpy. It tasted incredibly artificial and broke off in chunks. It was like biting into jello. This meat earned a 2.84/10, scarring me emotionally. When I saw these tenders, I had high hopes for their breading. It looked voluminous and crunchy, but when I bit into the tender, there was no crunch. My hopes were crushed almost immediately due to the breading’s unmemorable, granular nature. These tenders earned a 3.27/10 on the breading scale, making their score a 11.24/30, my lowest ranking EVER. 

Stop 4: Joanna’s Marketplace 

Up next, we have a chicken tender that took years for me to enjoy: Joanna’s Marketplace. When you purchase these tenders, you receive a plethora of them in a large, tinfoil tray. Joanna’s Marketplace is a lovely local grocery store in a strip mall off of US-1. The staff is incredibly kind, always cracking jokes and greeting you with a warm smile, but the overall experience leaves a bit to be desired. The store is poorly lit, and there’s no seating. The Joanna’s experience earned a score of 7.24/10.

The meat of these tenders used to be my reason for disapproval. However, as my palette has matured, I’ve learned to enjoy them. Their meat tastes fresh and organic, without seeming processed. They vary in size, leading to an inconsistent meat-to-breading ratio, but the thinner ones are most enjoyable. They are delightfully juicy, boasting a score of 8.13/10

The breading is what brings these tenders to perfection. While granular breading on chicken tenders is usually reserved for low-quality frozen tenders, Joanna’s took a risk. The breading is divinely buttery and perfectly crunchy; however, it occasionally gets too soggy in the tin-foil tray. It earns a breading score of 9.03/10. These tenders are best paired with a cold can of Coke. They earn the highest score so far, 24.4/30.  

Through this investigation, I have come to one conclusion: Miami needs to improve its chicken tender game. The city would benefit from focusing on higher quality ingredients, ensuring juicy, well-seasoned tenders with good breading. I expected better results for a city with such a variety of great restaurants.  

While nothing here has quite matched the heights of New Hampshire, places like Chick’N Jones and Joanna’s Marketplace show promise. Miami has room to grow, and I look forward to seeing how the local tender scene evolves.